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Reviewer: lee123 Signed [Report This]
Date: 03.09.2018 01:39:55 Title: Prologue

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Reviewer: wty123 Signed [Report This]
Date: 05.23.2016 08:08:15 Title: Prologue

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Reviewer: theKillingJoke Signed [Report This]
Date: 01.08.2014 00:32:59 Title: Epilogue

Man! This story was grea!  So many emotions but the end was simply beautiful!! :')

I wish that there was more to this story,  i mean their future XD but still your story was absolutely amazing! :D



Author's Response:

Thanks for taking the time to review - I'm glad you liked it.  I've have toyed with some ideas about their future in this one and left it open on purpose.  Let's hope DC redirects Diana's focus and provides me with some inspiration.  If I keep writing after Broken is finished, I do believe that there will be a sequel to this one - so many possibilities.

Thanks again!

Reviewer: Aries Signed [Report This]
Date: 08.17.2012 17:28:21 Title: Prologue

This isn't the best forum for active discussions (something I may have to look at in the future), so hopefully you don't mind the extra review.

I definitely agree that Bruce is emotionally damaged. It's probably one of the characteristics that most humanize an otherwise fantastic character and dealing with that is probably one of the hardest challenges in writing a Bruce/Diana story beyond the initial courtship.

In this story there are two main fight scene for Bruce (though they are really only mentioned, not described), and he is decidedly beaten in both, requiring the League to rescue him. It's not really bad that he needs to be rescued from time to time, but in your story there is never a time when he doesn't need to be rescued. Even in his final face off with Bane, he requires Diana's help/abilities to beat him. I guess for me that hurts the story because one of the best things about Bruce is that he does what he does without superpowers.

I'd definitely have liked to see him be more disciplined, logical and analytic, especially in his argument with Donna. With everything Bruce has been through and all the things the Joker has done to the people he cares about, I just can't see Bruce being so willing to kill. Maybe in the heat of the moment, but not arguing afterwards. This time Bane broke his spirit.

Don't count me as a no on a sequel. I really do enjoy your writing, I'd just like to see you delve a bit into what makes Bruce a great and inspiring hero too. You've done such a great job making Diana shine, Bruce needs to shine a bit too. There needs to be a reason why Diana actually loves him. I definitely don't have a problem with him requiring rescue, just maybe not quite so often. Either way, I look forward to your next story.



Author's Response:

So that's how I pad my reviews?  ;)  Just between us, I have a secret desire to make a top 10 list on something.  I suspect that's one of the reasons my next story will be darker - to entice Chaosmob.  I've missed him.

I'll try to be brief(er) this time.  I'm more on board with you now.  To me the fact that he's incredible in battle is obvious so I don't think to highlight it and I should.  Moreso is the fact that writing a fight scene is hard for me and if it isn't critical to the plot, I think I've subconsciously avoided them.  My next requires them, so I can promise much more Batman butt-kicking.  I'm also always frustrated that I can't seem to write plots with more of the intellect included, as that is hands-down my favorite aspect of his character.  I'll keep trying on that one.

I didn't mean for it come off at all as his being willing to kill - rather him being terrified that he will and freaked out that he did "in the heat of the moment".  I saw it more as an irrational fear and an excuse to build another emotional wall.

Again, I appreciate the feedback - seriously.  It's made me re-think a couple of things for the next one as I'm still in the depths of the first chapter.  I think the outcome will be all the better for the changes I think I'll make.

 

Reviewer: Aries Signed [Report This]
Date: 08.17.2012 14:12:10 Title: Prologue

I want to start out by saying that I really enjoy your writing and, for the most part, your characterizations are spot on. That being said, I do have a bit of a big critique and I hope you won't take it too personally or let it discourge you from writing more.

In this story, Bruce is actually pretty pathetic. His characterization is great until there's any stress put on him, then he becomes weak and cowardly, which isn't very fitting considering who he is and what he does. While I definitely don't want to see him be the Bat-god, here he was pretty much reduced to Diana's damsel in distress. The dynamic between these two characters is so good because, desipite their dramatic differences, they are always equals.

Again, please don't take the critique too harshly. You're a very talented writer and I very much want to read more from you. I'm just of the opinion that you get more from an honest critique.



Author's Response:

Hmmm.  First off, I appreciate a review, as long as it is constructive - and this is meant tongue-in-cheek...mostly - even when it is totally wrong ;)  As this isn't my day job,  I won't take it personally or let it discourage me.  Neither is in my nature anyway. Oh, and my response is probably overkill, but I just love this kind of dialogue, so what the hell.

I don't see Bruce - and never, ever would - as pathetic.  I do see him as emotionally damaged (and maybe that's a lot because of my day job even though it seems pretty obvious as well). Quite honestly every day I see younger kids who have gone through similar trauma and Bruce should/could have been a much bigger mess if not for the people in his life before and after 'it' happened.  My kids don't have that.

I find myself wondering where exactly the damsel-in-distress was most salient for you?  I ask because I very deliberately attempted to avoid just what you had issue with.  Every interaction with Superman was crafted with that in mind.  Bruce is actually always under stress.  It's when the stress is related to emotions and attachments that things go downhill quickly.  If the rescue itself that is of issue, I did struggle with it.  In the end, I could count a half a dozen times off of the top of my head where he gets rescued in JLU, including by Diana.  So I went with it.  Kind of.  And to be honest, while I don't believe Bruce is 'damsely' or pathetic, I've read so many fics where Diana is the damsel-in-distress and I wanted something different.  The fact is, in this scenario - and I tried to make this point crystal clear - the choices he has made have always been his. 

Anyway, I've had several requests for a sequel, so I guess that puts you in the 'no' category?  ;)  If I do, I promise that he will be very human and not at all God-like.  Although there is something that appeals to me about the immortality, together for eternity angle.  I am a girl after all.  I have started my next story and have discovered a compulsion to finish once I start, so no risk not writing any more.  He won't be damsely at all, but he will be a complete mess.  It's post Arkam City and its already set up that way. If you haven't played, I probably should mention that he's rescue a BUNCH of times in the game even though he keeps telling everyone to go away.  It's darker, but I hope you will like it.

Thanks again for the review and I also want to take the opportunity to thank you for your work on the site.  It has been directly responsible for my discovering a new interest and an outlet to escape the daily stress and drama of my real life - something I have desperately needed.

 

Reviewer: lauriedoriew Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 08.07.2012 09:16:07 Title: Epilogue

It's over :(

I'm sad because I love reading it, but happy because Bruce and Diana are finally together, which is always the best part of a fanfiction.  I can't wait to see what your next story will be like, I loved Arkham City and I am super excited to read it.

Keep on keeping on.



Author's Response:

Thanks again for reviewing.  I'm glad I didn't disappoint.  Arkham City is amazing and I'm also super excited to write it!

Reviewer: lauriedoriew Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 06.27.2012 20:41:10 Title: Prologue

Another awesome chapter.  Damn that Bruce, hurting Diana.  Can't wait to see what happens next! (:

Reviewer: lauriedoriew Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 06.23.2012 19:52:31 Title: Prologue

</3 breaking my heart! Gah! It's so sad but so good! Can't wait for the next update.



Author's Response:

Thank you for the review - I'm grateful for it.  I've had a drought lately.  That was a beast of a chapter to sort through and I owe much to the wonderful beta by DaisyJane. 

Reviewer: Tritelogato Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 05.28.2012 09:56:45 Title: Mirage

Another great chapter! I loved to see Bruce having hot dreams about Diana, and of course I don't want it to happen only in his dreams. :D

Reviewer: oracle4582 Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 05.26.2012 10:09:56 Title: Prologue

Strong chapter. I must read it three times now.Excellent work! :)



Author's Response:

Glad you like.  Much is owed to DJ's beta and fabulous dialogue rewriting. 

Thank you!

 

 

Reviewer: DaisyJane Signed [Report This]
Date: 05.26.2012 08:34:41 Title: Mirage

I vote lemony. And I agree that Bruce certainly has more willpower than Hal Jordan but one of the things that attracted the ring to him was also his fearlessness.  Bruce's psyche is packed with fear and paranoia.  Still I think Bruce would be running the GL's in a week after getting a ring.  Time to choose Bruce, what's it going to be?



Author's Response:

Somehow, DJ, I knew you would vote lemony.  :-)

I must admit that I'm not very versed in Green Lantern lore.  For example, no idea what the attraction to Kyle Raynor and Guy Gardner was.  John Stewart I totally get the attraction - Hal as well.  Although to me, Hal seems to walk a fine line between fearless and reckless.  As for Bruce - paranoia, absolutely.  Fear...absolutely, but for everyone but himself I think.  I just love the idea of watching him go through a whole new learning process with this and seeing the effect on Gotham.  Irritating the Guardians would also be fun, not that Hal isn't fully capable of that himself. 

Hmmm, choices.  Maybe someday there will surprise ending to one of my stories, because right now it is inconceivable to me that someone would NOT choose Wonder Woman.

Thanks for the review and the rockin' beta.

 



Author's Response:

Somehow, DJ, I knew you would vote lemony.  :-)

I must admit that I'm not very versed in Green Lantern lore.  For example, no idea what the attraction to Kyle Raynor and Guy Gardner was.  John Stewart I totally get the attraction - Hal as well.  Although to me, Hal seems to walk a fine line between fearless and reckless.  As for Bruce - paranoia, absolutely.  Fear...absolutely, but for everyone but himself I think.  I just love the idea of watching him go through a whole new learning process with this and seeing the effect on Gotham.  Irritating the Guardians would also be fun, not that Hal isn't fully capable of that himself. 

Hmmm, choices.  Maybe someday there will surprise ending to one of my stories, because right now it is inconceivable to me that someone would NOT choose Wonder Woman.

Thanks for the review and the rockin' beta.

 

Reviewer: DaisyJane Signed [Report This]
Date: 05.16.2012 16:47:27 Title: Repose

Good chapter and an interesting explanation as to what may be going on with Bruce.  Is Diana trapped in a dream state as well.  Hmmm....

Reviewer: DaisyJane Signed [Report This]
Date: 05.12.2012 22:09:49 Title: Haunted

Just a few things to start off with Donna's dialogue:

I think she would say "By Hera I hope you give me a reason to kick your ass" and "What in Hades name was that" just in keeping with her heritage.  

Otherwise, awesome chapter and poor Bruce, his dissent was swift and I hope that he has hit rock bottom enough to do something about it.

Oh and yay, Donna's in the story.  Can wait to read more from Diana and Donna.



Author's Response:

OMG I was so worried about how much I could make Donna give Bruce a hard time that I totally missed those references.  Usually I try to make sure they are there when Diana talks - but with Donna I was just worried about not knowing the character well.  Your stuff helps tremendously.  Thanks for the correction.  :-) It helps a lot b/c there will be more interactions to come.  Something new to obsess about.  I didn't set out to put Donna in, but it seemed like a perfect way to torture Bruce.

I've got plans to explain why Bruce hit rock bottom so quickly (and he just did, btw). But an intervention will be needed for him to take action.  I can't wait to write that part.

Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Tritelogato Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 05.12.2012 21:59:31 Title: Haunted

Hmm, I wasn't expecting Diana would send Donna in her place. I thought she would return but not acting like the Diana we know, that she would act cold and aloof... something like that. But I really liked what you did. That way Bruce will miss Diana even more, and maybe then he will admit he's not himself without her.
Great update. I am waiting eagerly for anothe chapter. I come here twice a day looking for updates! :D



Author's Response:

I'm glad you liked it.  It just came to me as a great way to torture him a little more.  He's got so much conflict to work through.

No pressure... It will be a couple of extra days for the next one.  Mother's Day and all that family stuff. 

Thanks for reviewing!

Reviewer: DaisyJane Signed [Report This]
Date: 05.09.2012 17:14:47 Title: Evanescence

Something tells me they are going to get Wonder Woman and it won't be Diana.  Could my favorite sister be making an apparence.  Love how stubborn both Bruce and Diana can be.  Loved Shayera and her POV.  She rocks.  More please.



Author's Response:

Hmmm.  I was wondering about your predictions.... Next chapter is taking longer - more research involved.  Like about EEG's, brainwaves, sleep cycles, and rereading Troia (again). ;-)

Reviewer: Tritelogato Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 05.07.2012 19:26:24 Title: Artifice

I agree with DaisyJane about the kiss. I always love when they are angry with each other and then they kiss (among other things) to ease the tension. It's very sexy when it's rough!

Reviewer: DaisyJane Signed [Report This]
Date: 05.07.2012 17:50:22 Title: Artifice

That kiss was so hot.  I don't know why but when they are a bit pissed at each other and kiss it is just so sexy.  Bruce has trust issues and even if she had to he doesn't take kindly to being deceived.  You are doing a great job writing Diana and getting how very human she is.

Reviewer: DaisyJane Signed [Report This]
Date: 05.07.2012 17:45:22 Title: Illusion

Had a feeling that she was going to talk to Alfred.  I like how you are weaving the story into the actual episodes, helps to provide a point of reference and honestly there actually seemed to be a connection between the two of the right from the first episode. He did seem to trust her almost from the beginning.  And you do have Diana in character.  She is not one to cry in public but I can see her letting it out when she is alone.

Reviewer: Aries Signed [Report This]
Date: 05.05.2012 19:56:12 Title: Prologue

A very interesting start and a unique concept. I'm interested to see how you have this play out. Exploring a hero's weakest moments is always dangerous territory for a writer.

Looking forward to an update!

Reviewer: DaisyJane Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 05.04.2012 18:45:49 Title: Dream

Subtle but still quite effective cliffhanger.  I want more. I love the sweet little dream relationship and that they didn't want to part.  But what happened in the present?  Oh I love this story already.



Author's Response:

I hope you don't mind that it's taking a less sweet and more angsty direction - although I still believe in happy endings.  What I've got planned for Bruce hopefully turns out to be as good in writing as it sounds in my head.

Reviewer: Tritelogato Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 05.02.2012 15:11:16 Title: Prologue

Good to see you back in short time! I can't wait to see what's going to happen. 



Author's Response:

I hope that you are enjoying the ride so far.

Reviewer: oracle4582 Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 05.01.2012 14:07:09 Title: Prologue

I was craving 4 another story from you. I simply loved your previous fiction and I can't waited for the unfolding of this one. Great start 2 btw.



Author's Response:

Thanks so much - I'm new at this writing thing (unless it involves statistics - ugh) so I'm going to try something a little different this time.  I'm glad you like it so far. 

Reviewer: DaisyJane Signed [Report This]
Date: 04.30.2012 19:43:54 Title: Prologue

Love Walt Whitman.  I also like that eidolon has two meanings that are probably pertinent for the story.  I like what I have read so far and that young Diana will play a role in helping young Bruce.  Can't wait to read more.



Author's Response:

I'm taking a different direction with this one.  All Diana POV - so a written 'thunk' on the head is welcome if I get OOC.  :-) The childhood piece won't last long, but will be intense if I can pull it off.  Some things are hard to write from a child's point of view.  I'm glad it caught your interest!  

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